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Your age is the "elephant in the room," says sex and relationship therapist Todd Baratz, LMHC, and it's time you addressed it, along with your relationship expectations.
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This time, you need to get straight to the point. He's said that "one day" you'll have sex, which tells me you've have some kind of serious talk before. It's better to know what he's truly thinking and feeling. He might say you're "too old" for him to date seriously, which would be soul-crushing-but it doesn't sound like you're happy in your current confusing situation, either. I know this discussion is a terrifying prospect, as it opens the possibility of rejection. (“Yeah, I dated this woman who was 74 for a while.”) Having a conversation with him is the only way for you to know with certainty whether he sees this going further-both emotionally and sexually-or whether he simply wants a story he’ll be able to share at parties for years to come. I can tell you really want to believe it’s real, but some of his behaviors (i.e., introducing you with your age and not initiating sex) are making you question whether your relationship is real-and rightfully so. We live in a wildly ageist society, so I can imagine how refreshing it feels for you, a 74-year-old woman, to get this attention from a 38-year-old suitor. I want to get to the root of what seems to be troubling you: the fear that your boyfriend isn't sexually attracted to you, which-though I hate to say it-sounds like a more likely explanation for his behavior than him secretly being gay. The rejection would be a lot less painful. I know it would be a relief if he were exclusively into dudes, because you wouldn't have to contend with the possibility that he's into women, but not you. Without knowing your boyfriend, I can't say for certain whether or not he's gay. If he was gay, I’d understand why he didn’t want to have sex with me. Is there a way I could ask him without sounding judgmental?Īlso, I’m now wondering if he’s gay, and maybe that’s why he’s hesitating to go further? He once told me he knew someone who had made love to women all over the world, and sometimes that guy would have sex with men, too. He has introduced me to some of his coworkers, saying, “Would you believe she's 74?” I don't know if he's daring himself to be with me. We text every day and see each other multiple times a week. He’s amorous and caring, and we always have a great time together. We've become intimate in some ways, but not all the way. Over the past three months, we've become much closer, and the chemistry is definitely there. I will admit, I do look damn good for my age. He asked for my number, and I gave it to him. I met a wonderful guy who works security at Walmart. To submit a question for a future column, fill out this form. Ask me anything-literally, anything-and I will gladly Sexplain It. I'm here to answer your most pressing sex questions with thorough, actionable advice that isn't just "communicate with your partner," because you know that already. In doing so, I've learned a thing or two about navigating issues in the bedroom (and a bunch of other places, TBH). Over the years, I've had my fair share of sexual experiences, dating and sleeping with hundreds of people of all genders and orientations. I'm Zachary Zane, a sex writer and ethical manwhore (a fancy way of saying I sleep with a lot of people, and I'm very, very open about it).